My entire life is one complicated drinking game
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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