Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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