She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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