Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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