oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
