WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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