ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
