I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm both gender and math confused
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
