watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
