I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
