Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
