you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
