I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
