I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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