Im at strip club and am horny
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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