I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
50% drunk capacity currently
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
