I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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