You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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