if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
