so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
