So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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