all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
