Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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