Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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