the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
