totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I want is dick and wine.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
