cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize