We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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