i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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