Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
