Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
