Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
