We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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