please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
