Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
