I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
