Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize