Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
