This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
