remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize