Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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