you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
