I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
