I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
