I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
