: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
