he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
