I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
