I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
