she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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