Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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