We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
