Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
