Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
