3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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