Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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