At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
