There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
