naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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