"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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