I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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