Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
