woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
