i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
two words: eviction party
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
